An Apology of Sorts
by KiddatHeart
Summary: It's just a one-shot. Just a little blurb that popped into my mind. Enjoy!


Author Note: I'm normally not a writer of this kind of fanfiction, but it was something that I had to get out. And it sort of just fit with this. It's completely OOC, but I like it. This is just a one-shot.

"So I take your picture off my wall, my memory's not that bad at can you see, or have you forgotten me? I heave a sigh to keep from crying, Darling something you should know know know, Hate to but I have to go go go, Wish it wasn't but oh oh oh. It's true, Miss you darling" -Locksley

I always feel weird. Especially when it comes to you. I never seem to do the right thing, and I end up feeling bad about it for months. I was never right. I was not really wrong either-but I have realized more wrong with each memory I have. They weren't all bad, you know. It's just that they weren't what you needed. They weren't what I really needed. When it all comes down to it, all we really needed was something to make us feel a little less ashamed of all the things going on around us.

Why they were happy.

And I realize that now. You were wonderful while it lasted, but it was never meant to last. From that first kiss, to that first time. None of it was ever meant to last. And I know you hoped it would. I know you hoped we'd be like your best friend and her-always coming back to one another, even when it wasn't healthy. And we did. We did that for a while. But it wasn't healthy.

I still feel unhealthy. Not because of the memories exactly, but the fact that every time I look at a picture of you, or see your name written down, I feel like something is missing. You were a part of me, whether or not you were the part that you had wanted. You know more about me than most people, and I feel like I lost my best friend.

I've been thinking about it...we just... oh I don't know. I was happy, but it wasn't-isn't-no, wasn't what I really wanted. The comfort of having someone so intimately there was amazing. And I think I loved that feeling. But, I'm independent, and I've got to run on my own two feet, I can't be grounded unless I choose.

And you weren't letting me choose. You expected so much that I just... I wouldn't...I COULD NOT give. And I'm sorry. I am. But, I did love you. Not in the "home run outta the park, blinded by your own shadow" kind of love, but it was still the kind of love that I cannot imagine going one day without at least a thought of you.

And that scares me.

I hate being scared. You should know that. It's why I hate dementors and boggarts; it's why I hate when you would dress up like a monster on Halloween. It's why I sleep with the door closed.

But none of this seemed to matter. I couldn't say it. I hated hurting you, and each and every time I said "Yes" I knew that I was hurting you in the worst fashion...but god, the way your face would light up-it made me wish it was an honest yes. But it would never be, and I'm sorry.

I'm so very sorry.

One of these days I'll find it in my heart to erase you from my life-the way you so want me to-but now, and the near future, is NOT that time.

It's late. My eyes are drooping. Yet I'm sitting here still trying to find the right words to make you understand. To make you believe me. I know it's an improbable feat, but still, I try. For the friendship we always could have had. The one we never really let happen because of overactive (or underactive on my part) feelings.

I hear you've moved on. That you have finally found that certain someone that makes your heart beat wildly behind your chest. I'm sorry that I couldn't figure out how to make it work. I really am. You were just...for so long I had believed that I loved you, but it was all a lie.

I couldn't love someone who only fancied himself in love because his best friend was in love too. You saved my life, and I will always be thankful for that. And for the memories that we have..but..I've finally found someone that stole my heart completely.

I just wanted to be the one to tell you. And since you won't speak to me in person, this is how I had to go about things. Again, I'm so sorry.

All I really have left to say to you... is that I miss you Harry. So very much.

-Ginny


End file.
